so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize