I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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