so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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