i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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