already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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