omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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