I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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