i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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