Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
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I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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