Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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