It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize