I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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