can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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