You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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