my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We need to get me chipped asap
I deserve this hangover.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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