remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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