You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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