wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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