Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he thought i was a dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
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