omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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