Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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