So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
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he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
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can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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