why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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