having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize