if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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