He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
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You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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