My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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