I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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