The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
