Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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