Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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