Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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