the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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