you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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