I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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