he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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