You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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