We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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