I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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