hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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