I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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