I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
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bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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