I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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