sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
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Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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