We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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