we made out on top of his cat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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