Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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