Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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