Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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