the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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