I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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